Tuesday, July 29, 2003
Yet Another Day

  What a waisted day today has been.  Getting back to my old bad habit of leaving work, I knocked off a few hours early today.  I think I just need to take a good vacation to break that habit.  Sad thing is, I can't take another one until February and that sucks.  Vacations aren't really that restful for me anyway.  I usually spend at least half of the time on the road driving from one place to another.  I"ve tried staying here for a vacation once.  The monotony damn near killed me.  I would really like to take a good ten days and get in some backpacking.  It's just hard finding someone willing to do it with me for more than a day or so.  It seems most people's ideas of camping is going to some stupid campsite with an RV and plugging in.  Hell, you may as well just go to a motel.  I prefer hitting a trail and walking for days with only what I can carry on my back.(Yes, I said days)  Years ago I mad a trip like that and only crossed two paved roads in five days.  I can't remember passing more than maybe two other groups of people the whole time.  That was paradise!!!  Nothing but peace and quiet.        Are you bored yet?
  I spent a good two hours today trying to talk to Susan, a good friend of mine.  When I say trying I mean trying.  You see, Susan was born deaf.  I'm not exactly sure how we became friends but somehow we just get along great.  I used to wonder what would be worse, being deaf or blind.  Seems like I chose deaf as being worse simply because I grew up playing music.  Now I'm not so sure that would be correct.  Kind of an odd decision to make if you were given the choice.  After getting to know her, being deaf doesn't seem like such a bad thing.  So what?  I don't hear someone yelling at me but I still get to see the sunset in the evening.  If I was blind I would hear speak to me but I wouldn't be able to see the sincerity in their eyes when they speak. 
  I don't know how I ended up on this subject because I think I came here to say something entirely different.  It kinda look like todays entry brings up the age old question of what do you believe the most.  What you hear, or what you see?  The two aren't always the same thing.

Posted at 07:51 pm by Lookin4Me
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Monday, July 28, 2003
Good Man Gone

  It's hard to believe Bob Hope is no longer around.  I never really knew much about him until today.  This man actually gave away over a billion dollars to charities throughout his life.  That one fact alone should tell you the character of the man.  Who else can claim to be that generous?  Certainly not me.  It's always sad to see the good ones go. 
  Oh well.  Really not much to write about today and I have some reading to do before I cut out the lights
                                              Sleep well Bob

Posted at 09:21 pm by Lookin4Me
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Sunday, July 27, 2003
Dig In

  I just got in from my favorite 5 star restaurant on this side of town, Burger King.   I don't usually dine in but I do normally go in to get my eats.  Today I had the distinct pleasure of standing behind what must have been the biggest woman in the world.  It wasn't hard to figure out how she got that way after I saw what she ordered.  Damn near everything on the menu!!  Naturally she got a diet drink to go with it.
  AFter seeing this I started remembering conversations I hear on an almost daily basis at work.  There is nothing like having to suffer through listening to women gripe about how big they are and this great new diet they are on.  The whole time they are talking about the diet, they are usually stuffing a Snickers bar down their throat.
  I remember having this conversation with a good friend a few years back.  She was talking about how she was trying to lose 50 pounds.  Personally, I think she could have lost 150 if she wanted too.  ANYWAY.......The whole time she was saying all this crap she was stuffing chicken down her gullet.  One time, out of curiosity, I timed her eating. (From a distance of course)  She ate a whole roasted chicken in almost 2 minutes flat.  We aren't talking about a little off each piece but picking it to the bone.  Naturally she had a diet drink to wash it down.
  WHY????????????????????????

Posted at 06:14 pm by Lookin4Me
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Friday, July 25, 2003
What's next?

  I actually made it through a 40 hour work week for a change.  Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and there will be a foot of snow on the ground.  That would be just about as surprising.  This week really hasn't been all that bad though.  I seem to have been in a better mood than usual.  Well most of the time, anyway.  Maybe it's in the hat.  I haven't worn my normal black hat all week.  Most people had to look at me twice just to make sure they knew who I was.  Seems like I've worn hats for as long as I can remember.  At one time they were more or less my trademark.  Of course most the hats I wore back then were ones nobody else would be seen dead in.  I think I still have the top hat somewhere around here.  It's bound to look like shit.  The last time I think I wore it was about 20 years ago.  God, I must have looked stupid.  It was normal for me though.            
  Things have been really quiet in my neighborhood today.  That's always a good thing for me.  It's much easier to work on my music when I don't hear kids running up and down the streets with their stereos blasting like I use too.  Come to think of it I don't think any has even taken a shortcut through the yard.  Anyway back to what I was saying........I just stepped away from my piano a few minutes ago.  I must have been playing for a good 3 hours.  I impressed myself with actually working on a few things and not goofing off most of the time.  I finally finished the music to a song I wrote the words for two years ago.  Oh I've beat around on a guitar with it since then but I'm not really a guitar player.  Today my song was given real music.  Complete with a score, even.  I guess all those years weren't a total waste.  Odd thing though.  I've got a couple of notebooks full of lyrics and songs I have written over the years.  I was paging through them today and noticed that all of them were either a cry in your beer type song or a ballad that would guarantee a good night.   Not one of them are really about good times in general.  They are all about relationships of one type or another.   I thought that was kind of odd since I haven't always been the hermit I am now.
   OOOPS time got away from me.  I'm suppose to go watch some friends play in a local bar tonight.  Guess I better get off here and get cleaned up.  Maybe something good will happen tonight and I'll actually have something decent to write about.

Posted at 07:25 pm by Lookin4Me
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Thursday, July 24, 2003
Happy Birthday

  Today is my youngest sons 14th birthday.  I can still remember the first time a held him in my arms.  So small and vulnerable.  There is no better feeling in the world. 
  I was out of country when my oldest was born so I didn't see him until he was almost 2 days old.  This time I was in the delivery room.  Although I couldn't get myself to take the "birds eye view" it was an experience I will never forget and most likely never have again.
  Nothing is more painful than not being able to be with either of my sons like I wish.  Due to divorce and geographical distances I am forced to miss out on many things I always dreamed of having.  Perhaps the pain of missing them is what keeps me single to this day.  I'm not sure I can handle having it all again only to watch it go away.  That's more pain than I would wish on anyone and I have no intention of ever going through it again.
  I still remember the last time I saw him walking from my car into his house.  It's as fresh in my memory as it just happened.  Just like the first time I saw him.  I can only hope the next time we are together the image stays in my mind as well.
  Happy birthday Nicholas.  If only I could be there to share it with you.

Posted at 08:53 am by Lookin4Me
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Tuesday, July 22, 2003
Blah blah blah blah

  What a day today turned out to be.  I actually woeked a full day and didn't mind doing it!!!  Something must be wrong with me    :-)
  Today was an interesting day for news.  Uday and Qusay Hussein are apparently no longer a threat to us or the Iraqi people.  I wish I could say I was sorry for them but that's never going to happen.  Too bad we weren't allowed to finish the job the first time we were there.  That's politics for you though. 
  On a lighter note in news it seems a family here in Va got a tax refund for $500,000.00.  That's right.  No type-o's there.      lol   It was obviously a mistake but the morons actually tried to cash the check.  To make a long story short, they were tried and sentenced for fraud and one or two other things.  The woman stood in court and actually said she thought the check was correct.  She figured it was reparations for slavery.  Come on now!  Give me a friggin break.  Even if she was right don't you think there would be quite a few people running around in a new Mercedes?  Kind of hard to believe she would be the only one getting a fat check.  I'm just wondering how long people are going to try and ride that tired horse for an excuse.  Don't get me wrong, I'm no racist or biggot by any means.  In this country you get what you earn.  Everyone has the same chance whether you believe it or not.  I am somewhat of a fan of American history but when I look at the issue of slavery I have to cringe at the thought of people being so cruel.  It ended nearly 140 years ago.  Nobody alive today suffered through it so how can it possibly be an excuse for anything?  Maybe I'm wrong, but I doubt it.
  Can I get off my high horse now?

Posted at 07:03 pm by Lookin4Me
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Sunday, July 20, 2003
What the F########

I've been sitting here typing my butt off for now reason at all.  As soon as I went to post my entry my connection lagged or blogdrive dropped the ball one.  Don't know who to blame for that one.  I guess I'll just chalk it up as an hour gone to waiste.  Maybe I'll come back later and give it another shot.  Still upsetting though.  I've already vented my frustrations.  not so sure it will come out like I had it originally.         SHIT 

Posted at 06:59 pm by Lookin4Me
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Friday, July 18, 2003
Today

  Another work day is finally over.  Naturally I left work early.  That's gotten to be a bad habit with me.  Can't hardly remember working a 40 hour week in almost a year.  I've got to stop doing that but I hate to stand around and not do much.  Even worse is stand around and watch other people not do much.  Today was different though.  Things went rather smooth.  Especially for a Friday.  It's just not the job it use to be though.  Progress sucks when it takes your job away.  Oh I still have my job, I just don't have to actually do it.  Some people dream of being paid for doing nothing.  I can't stand it!!! 
  I did get some information out of Troy about his car wreck.  He flipped his sisters car a few days ago.  Naturally he was drunk.  Not even suppose to drive any car but his own because of some alcohol intervention system he had to have installed about a year ago.  (Some people never learn)  Anyway.....the car got reported stolen.  Go figure.  I'm sure his sister is happy.  She now has his Mustang.  I give him another month or so and he won't be so lucky.  I figure he's either going to get caught drinking again or hurt himself or someone else and really be in deep shit.
  Speaking of drinking     :-)         I've been toying with the idea of going out for a beer or two tonight.  Why not?  I deserve it.  I haven't been out in a while.  The last time I had a drink was the day my best friend died.  I'm not a heavy drinker anyway.  I can go out and have one or two and come back home before it's too late.  Kinda hard to get up at 3am if I don't stop then.  I could use the atmosphere anyway.  With a little luck I'll even meet the next love of my life.  Ahhhh who am I kidding?  I'm not exactly the bold and brazen type.  I lost that drive a long time ago.  I'm just the type of person that can take women or leave them.  Hell.  I'm 37 years old and have actually only asked out 2 women in my whole life.  I made the mistake of marrying one of those.   Honestly, all the other dates I've had, they did the initial asking.   It's good to be pursued    lol
  I've been sitting here listening to Glenn Miller.   Man I love swing.  Sure wish I still played in a band but those days are gone, at least for now.  It's been so long since I've played seriously it would take me months to get back anywhere near the level I once was.  Ya know.....I think I'll just stop here and go play the piano for a while.   No swing though.  I'm more of a ballad person on the piano.  Lionel Ritchie wrote some good stuff.  Maybe I'll work on some of my own old ones.  They aren't near as good but they are mine.

Posted at 04:55 pm by Lookin4Me
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Thursday, July 17, 2003
Another Day

  I've been toying with the idea of keeping a blog and am finally getting off my butt and doing it.  Will I keep it current?  Probably.  I'm sure some days I will be here more times than should be humanly possible.  There will also be days I never think about it.
  Why am I doing this?  Perhaps to blow off steam or maybe to help figure out what it is I've done right or wrong.  I'm often painfully honest with those I talk with so can I be the same with myself?  Only time will tell.
  In this blog you will find the thoughts of a loner.  A man that once had it all and lost it more than once.  At one time I was very outgoing.  Over the years I have become more and more withdrawn.  Letting few people know the real me. 
  If you're bored enough to still be reading this perhaps you will get to know the real me in time.  BTW  My writing styles change according to my moods.  Sometimes childsih in nature and other times as serious as possible

Posted at 06:59 pm by Lookin4Me
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